Looking forward to things......

I have had a thought running thru my head for days now. It all began with an overwhelming feeling of being burnt out. 'Burnt out from what?", you may ask. If you are a SAHM like myself you wouldn't even have to ask that question

I just feel that my days repeat themselves over and over again. Dawson wakes me up every morning. I get up, feed the kids, try to figure out how the house got messy between now and last night when I cleaned it.

Somedays, I get right into my housework and it seems like everything is in-sync, and I feel that I have control over the housework. I don't get y with the kids, nothing gets to me. I love those days. That might last a few days or a week, but then I am back to my other days.

Those days I wake up and feel burnout. Another day of housework, grumpy kids (and grumpy me!), a day with out order. I may wake up and the house is clean, but by noon, I feel like I have to deep clean the whole house again. I don't even want to do it, but I will. I clean the whole house. The whole time I am being interupted by one of my kids every 5 minutes. When I am finally finished, I know that I wasn't as thorough as I would like to be. Who has the time for that? I know there are still dirty clothes in the laundry room, or the clothes need to be put away. I just can't do anymore. I stop and still feel guilty. Finally, it is 8 o'clock p.m. and I can get out of my pajamas (I have had them on all day) and take a shower. Then I put on the clean pajamas that I will wear all day the next day.

How did I let myself get this way? I do it because I love my husband and my children. I wouldn't trade them for anything....BUT What about me? Do I even know who I am anymore?

I never had the perfect self image, but at one time I was pretty confident with myself. I worked on my hobbies such as sports, scrapbooking and singing among others. I could find time to curl up and read a good book (I miss those days). I took care of myself and loved to do my hair or get new clothes.

Fast forward to now. I have more pajamas and grubby clothes than I do normal clothes, My favorite hairstyle is pulling it up in a pony tail or just doing nothing to my hair at all. Yah I wear make up, but usually it is yesterdays leftover makeup. Gross I know, but sometimes I am too tired to wash it off at night. I have a lot of extra weight, I don't even look like me anymore.

Where is the balance? I need the balance between my DH and kids, household duties and time for myself. Sure I watch TV or play around on the internet, which I enjoy. What about the other things, like reading, singing or building on my spirituality? I have put all that on the back burner.

That is when I realized that I have to somehow find some time for myself. NOt on the computer or watching TV time, but actual quality time. I read somewhere that not finding time for yourself can cause depression and other problems. We all need to LOOK FORWARD TO THINGS . Even if it is small things.

I am going to start with Taking a shower every morning (Or atleast as much as I can). I always feel more in control when I do that. I am more awake and I feel like the day can start. I need to do one small thing a day. Make some jewelry..which I have been making more time for lately. Singing. One thing I absolutely have to do is Read my scriptures every day..even if it is a verse or two. I need to pray..even if I have to hideout in the bathroom with the door locked. I have to do those things. I need to find good books to read and small projects to do. I need to wake up feeling like I have something..even if it is small, to look forward to, I need to just stop and not worry about the daily problems for a few minutes a day.

My first 3 things to work on are Praying in the morning, reading atleast a few verses of my scriptures and taking a shower. I will then add on as those things become habit.

I challenge all of my internet SAHM friends to find just a few sall things to do for yourself every day!!!