I feel like I am finding confidence again

I have never had a lot of confidence with my intelliegance. I am dyslexic and it really hits me hard in math, especially complex math or counting lots of money. I had lots of jobs that got my confidence down because of that. I have also felt like my opinions are always important or solid enough to be sure of. It seems like it is changing a little.

I am working on a paper for an English class. The paper is on Global Warming. At first I was at a lose. I had to come up with three theories as to why it has come about. I only had the pollution/greenhouse effect. Then I got deeper into the research and found a correlation between the sun's heat rising. My last theory which I still need to find more evidence on is the earth's natural process. I have half of my first paper rough-drafted. I just need to add concrete evidence and quotes.

My last paper I get to choose one of those theories and take a stand on it. I am going to do the Greenhouse effect because it is more aboundant in research. I feel like I am using my brain for more than doing the family budget and changing diapers. It is such a gratifying feeling. I actually feel skind of smart!

I have always put off getting my degree and even when I started I was scared and had little faith in myself. Lately I am not so scared. I have confidence that I will be able to teach. I still have a lot to learn, but I can't wait to do it. I am also excited to take the classes to teach my kids and help them with school. I have a new confidence and I hope it will continue to grow and my experience will help me be a better teacher.

The only part that makes me nervous is lesson plans and organizing and creating them. Will I be able to make lessons long enough and organized enough. A friend told me not to worry cuz that is why you major in teaching, so they can teach you how to do it. I am just not a nagtural, orgaized planner. I am a procrastinator. So I hope to change that. I am so excited about starting the teaching program.

Another thing I am thinking about is how it will be after the kids are all in school. I love being a SAHM and I will NOT change that. It is so embedded inme. My mom wasn't able to stay home with us. She had to be the primary bread winner since my dad was so sick. She did her best, but had so much stress that she wasn't home in the morning to make sure we were presentable for school. I looked pretty funny most of the time. I didn't have a mom that kept a good eye on my school work or made sure I did it. I want a schedule where I can do that.

I love being home with my kids. I will stay home till my last kid is in school. I have decided atleast for the first few years I want to substitute teach. I can have a more flexible schedule and not have to deal with grading and lesson plans and have more time for the kids. Then when they are older I will settle in with my own class.

Anyways I have been thinking about how exciting it will be to have a career. Also the thought of having a 2 income household sounds awesome. Still I will hold off till the all kids are in school. Being a SAHM mom is worth the sacrafices to me. Then when the kids are older and our whole family is here we will have the money to have a lot of fun.

Those are my brain ramblings tonight.