It is time to Seize the Day!

I decided that creating a blog about trying to lose weight would be a constructive way to help myself with this hard challenge.

I haven't always been over weight, but I have always thought that I was over weight. In junior high I wasn't what one might call a popular kid. I was made fun of a lot...and I mean a lot. I remember one instance when a boy told me I was ugly and then he asked me if I thought that I was ugly. I answered "Yes". I pretty much looked like Olive Oil from popeye. I was a pale white, skinny little toothpick, with short, black, frizzy hair. My haircut gave my hair the shape of a mushroom . So Olive oil, toaster-head and many other names where used to tease me.

I remember I would dream that their would be a day that I would wake up with silky beautiful hair, no braces and I would just look beautiful. I did grow into my looks by 10th grade. Looking back by then I really was a pretty . So now that I was begining to look better you would think all my problems would be over right? Wrong! I began to obsess about my weight. OKay I was 5'6" and weighed 120 lbs and I had 34", 24", 34" measurements. I thought that I was fat. I was seeing all my friends who hadn't hit their growth spurt yet weighing 85- 100 lbs (all very small boned s) and I would compare myself to them. I had a very bad misconception of what I looked like.

So I began to skip breakfast hardly eat anything for lunch and have a normal dinner. I would do my 1 mile run 3 times a week in P.E., Then I would go rollerblading and do aerobics after school. I didn't do this every single day, but I did it most of the week. Then I would have a day where I would binge and then I felt like a fat pig.

That went on for a long time. Then I got in a car accident. I wasn't able to exercise for a while and got out of the habit. I had a lot of bouts of bad luck in those years after that. I turned to food for comfort. I ended up weighing 150 lbs. Not a bad weight, but I did look better even 10 lbs smaller. Then I was really depressed about it. The more depressed I got the more I ate and didn't try to do anything. When I did try it wasn't full effort. It was like I didn't believe that I could lose that weight. I still feel that way.

So the years went on. I got married. I gained about 10 lbs the first nine months due to birth control pills and just not caring so much. Then I got pregnant with our first child. At the end I ended up weighing 226 lbs. I tried for 2 years to lose weight.

I found success when I signed up with a personal trainer. I lost about 30 lbs in 3 months with him. I was feeling great. Then when my sessions ended, I got out of habit. I then gained 15 lbs back. Then when I wanted to try again, I got pregnant with our daughter. She was a suprise...a ver wonderful suprise I might add!!! I was pretty good with her and only gained 30 lbs or so. After I had her I made a few attempts to lose weight with not much luck. I am now 9 months postpartum and I still weigh 236 lbs. Very depressing.

I have to find another outlet besides food to help me through stress and anxiousness. I am hoping thru this blog I can more understand myself and what I need.

I am not fully dieting until the beginning of the year (only 2 more weeks). I will be sharing my experiences here on this blog.